gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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