I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
