Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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