He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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