We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
