I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize