Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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