I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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