chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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