You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize