Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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