Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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