Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
