i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
