For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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