Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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