My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar