i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.