I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This baby is an asshole
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible