On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him