I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
