I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize