does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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