Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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