she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
