Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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