So drunk its hurt
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i've created a new STD.
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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