Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize