I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
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the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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