i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
