i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
