Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
