Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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