Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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