i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
