Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
