When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize