CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
