The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The power of my boobs compel you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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