We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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