i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
