Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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