I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
