She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
