If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize