pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize