Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
