Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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