this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
