FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
