i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
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She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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