Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
